D-plan is for Desperate Housewives

Romano�s This Is Your Life show will not start without the French

The template editorial � about the European Constitution � invariably starts with the well-worn reference to a US President complaining that, when he calls �Europe�, it is unclear whom he should speak to. And there�s no earthly reason why The Sprout should not follow suit.

   Currently, there are 25 foreign ministers, a Commission president, an EU foreign policy commissioner � and Javier Solana who is often called the EU�s �foreign policy chief� (whatever than means).

  One of the key components of the draft EU constitution is a foreign policy headed by a new EU Foreign Commissioner, who would take apocalyptic decisions on behalf of a majority of EU governments. For the first time ever, the EU could actually execute its own interventions in the world�s hotspots. No wonder �smaller� countries � like Belgium, Luxembourg � or those fundamentally opposed to anything which whiffs of Anglo-Saxon imperialism (France) are so excited about it.

   The EU could have opposed Britain�s earlier moves to join the US in a military alliance and put Brittania in her place.

   But the European constitution is dead, right? Wrong. It�s alive and well, and living in a windowless building in Brussels called the Berlaymont. Joe Barroso and Margot Wallstr�m continue to astound us all with their untainted loyalty to the project, like the love towards a frail, mute relative whom they keep wheeling around, unable to see the absurdity of the life-support machine in tow.

   These are desperate times in Brussels. But only the most desperate are continuing with this farce, which with every day that passes seems more like a rejected script from Desperate Housewives.

  No longer is the word �crisis� heard amongst the eurocracy. It�s gone beyond that. The Berlaymont folk are reaching out far and wide in a bid to gather anything that will justify to weary club-members the high membership fees. What they need more than anything is new members. To gauge just how desperate the echelons of the Brussels elite is, just witness the winner-loser scenario of 16 May� a date when Romania and Bulgaria seek the near-certain approval that they will need to join the club. Never before has Brussels gone to such extraordinary lengths to rose-tint the criteria for two candidate countries � particularly Bulgaria which has almost no judiciary to speak of (see Michael Newman�s article on page xx); Barroso�s people need these two countries to join in January, more than their peoples or economies.

   But long before Bulgaria�s political classes take delivery of their new Beamers, Brussels needs a new rulebook that extends the powers of its elite beyond the club gates of the Berlaymont�s press bar.

   Enter Romano Prodi.

Soft targets

Prodi took office in Brussels in 1999 and, crucially, spent five years building relations with Europe�s leaders, notably Blair � who backed him from the start. It was he who installed the official EC mindset of a stronger Commission with a federal agenda and, naturally, a blueprint (a draft constitution) that he even drew up himself and named Penelope. While playing the fool to the media, Prodi and his team of advisors were planning more important work behind the scenes. Many hacks in Brussels were surprised that he seemed at the time not to be overly concerned with day-to-day Commission work. And now we can know why.

   Romano Prodi recently became Italian prime minister by a whisker and in one breath slammed the constitution projectile back into the breach. Lock and load. Now a federal Europe is back on the table (see Renzo Giacchillo�s article on page xx) and the more pliable version of a smaller group of countries to make it reality is the preferred option.    �Soft targets� seems to be the thinking. Just witness the laughable PR campaign of Wallstr�m, of late. Her campaign (D-Plan) is about breathing new life into a EU constitution, which has already been rejected by the French (er, founding country of the EU�hello?), and the Dutch, seen as a highbrow, eurosceptic country by many. Scores of millions of euros (of taxpayers� money) will be spent on her touring Europe and �converting� the tired public to the plan. But our Marj scored some easy home runs recently by testing the plan on the children at the European School, an institution for the offspring of EU lifers!

Countdown game show

Europe does do irony after all. Prodi�s role on the European circuit, ironically, has more gravitas than at home. The top tables in Spain, Germany and the Benelux countries see him as the architect of a New Europe which will jostle with the US on the world�s stage � while building a stronger civil service in Brussels that will regard him as a Prodfather. All eyes turn to France as next year�s presidential elections are crucial if the super-state plan is to work. Timing is crucial in Prodi�s own third-rate TV show. Dan Hannan MEP writes that now is the time for the UK to act and re-negotiate key areas of policy. In the meantime, Wallstr�m�s roadshow rolls on as she and Barroso know that the Countdown ticks to April next year when France decides on a replacement for Chirac.

  If Sarkozy is elected and can be convinced of the Inner Group plan that supports this wretched EU constitution, then that long unanswered question of whom Washington calls in Europe could be resolved. Plenty of time for leader writers to start wondering what the �question� will be as two clear camps emerge � Britain�s and that of a small, but federal, Europe.